Wouldn't it be great if David Villa played for Aston Villa? Or if Antonio Valencia played for Valencia. Or Danny Shittu for Liverpool.
Everton fans watch evertonTV. Arsenal fans watch ArsenalTV. Liverpool fans watch the History Channel.
Dalglish and Alex Ferguson walk into a bar. Barman says "sorry Kenny, over 18s only!"
Liverpool's odds for the 2011/2012 title have been shortened to 14/1. For those who don't understand betting, this means that if you bet £10, you lose £10.
Ryan Giggs' wife Stacey is said to be considering leaving him after it was revealed that Giggs had had an affair. She will take half of everything he owns and so will now have 6 more Premier League medals than Steven Gerrard.
Hot off the press, I have heard that ex Blue Wayne Rooney is on his way to the shite. My mate overheard Woy Hodgson saying today; 'Looks like Wayne's coming'. He never heard anymore as he had to run for cover when it started pissing down.
What's the similarity between Liverpool and a £1 note?
Neither have been any good in England for decades and both are fucking useless in Europe.
Liverpool have revealed that their new sponsor will be Butlins. Incidentally, Butlins' season usually finishes around September too.
How do you confuse a Liverpool fan?
Ask for directions to Anfield.
What's the difference between Pamela Anderson and Pepe Reina?
Pam's only got two tits in front of her.
Steven Gerrard leapt out of his chair with excitement: "43 days! 43 days!"
His wife says "43 days? What do you mean?"
Gerrard replies "I've done me new jigsaw in 43 days and it says 3-6 years on the box."
Rafa Benitez was wheeling his shopping trolley across the supermarket car park when he noticed and old woman struggling with her shopping. He stopped and asked, "can you manage dear?", to which the old lady replied, "you got yourself into this mess, don't ask me to sort it out!"
Thieves broke into Steven Gerrard's house yesterday and stole four books. "The thing that upsets me most", said the footballer, "is that I hadn't finished colouring them in yet."
Liverpool's squad took some time out this week to visit a local children's hospital. "It's nice to be able to put a smile on the faces of those less fortunate than ourselves, those who are facing an uncertain future" said John, aged 10 from Kirkby.
Lucas has been banned from Liverpool's upcoming fixture with West Ham. The Hammers have said they will appeal the decision.
I saw a group of Liverpool players playing football with a hedgehog. I was going to report them, but then the hedgehog went 1-0 up.
